Sunrise and General Conference Take Aways

Heather and I walked out to leave for Seminary this morning and saw this sunrise.  Had we been even three minutes later, we would have missed it as it was gone by the time we finished taking pictures and got in the car.  The second photo was zoomed in a bit to catch how the light was hitting the clouds from underneath.  These are not touched up; the color was breathtaking.

It was General Conference weekend!  As usual, we missed some of it on Saturday due to soccer, and I snacked way too much, but I also took notes like I've tried to do for the past several years.  It helps focus me, keep me awake, and cause me to be more in tune with the Spirit.  One of the speakers even mentioned taking notes in just the way I've experienced taking them--sometimes I jot down the topic or a phrase that means something to me, and sometimes I am inspired to make some personal notes to myself about ways that I can personally improve something in my life.  I have a binder of these notes, and I will look over them now and then specifically for a reminder of those personal notes in the margin.  This weekend there were three specific things that I took away and want to remember--of course there were many more things I will ponder later, but these three were zingers.

•  Becoming "one" takes time (in reference to marriage) - Henry B. Eyring

I think a lot of people give up before they see this happen.  Somehow we think that we automatically become "one" just because we get married.  We're on year 27, and I see the oneness more now than ever, BUT we are still progressing and have some path to travel yet.

•  Make spiritual development of family members a high priority - Richard G. Scott

This is a priority for us, but sometimes it slips down the ladder.  I loved this reminder.

•  Our body was created as a gift by God to you...How you use your body affects your spirit - Russell M. Nelson

This was probably the biggest lightbulb of the whole conference for me.  We don't think of unhealthy eating as something of large concern like we might a substance addiction.  But I was reminded that when I am eating right and exercising, I can better connect with my spiritual self and overcome some of the barriers to accomplishing things in my daily life.  The opposite is true when I do not eat well and fail to be active...I am more easily overwhelmed and discouraged because I feel lousy about myself and my choices.  The Adversary must know this about me because body image and self-acceptance have been issues my whole life.  Healthy living feels better and I know it is because of the boundaries that are set and the self mastery that is required to accomplish this style of living.  Both boundaries and self-mastery are in accordance with the things our Father in Heaven wants for us.

What a great conference.  I am excited to take my notes, review them and make some goals.  If you don't know how to get in and comment on the blog, email me and tell me what your favorite messages were from Conference.  I would love to hear about them.

Disconnected?

In a world where just about everything and everyone is a click away from being "connected,"  is it possible to feel disconnected? I think it might be very possible.

Years ago in my secretarial position at a high school, I would be chastised because I would be "away from my desk" too much.  I worked in a high school office, and when a student needed help I would get up and help them rather than point to wherever it was they could go find their answer (my desk had little to no traffic, so I wasn't leaving anyone in the lurch).  I would get caught at the front desk at the other end of the room helping someone while the secretary was away or busy with someone else, and it was at this job I learned and knew I could not be in a profession where I couldn't talk and interact with people.  In fact, over those first years away from home, I discovered that I needed to be social.  It filled a part of me that found joy in being connected.  Before I had children, friendship and service were hobbies, and there was a lot of energy generated when I was engaged in my hobby.

Things haven't changed in the past twenty-five years.  A lot of the energy that used to go to friends goes to my children, but I'm still the same inside.  My girls have been at school during the day for a while now, and recently they seem to need me less and less.  As I find myself with more time on my hands for friends, I am realizing that a lot of that time is spent with social media.  Social media is wonderful, but as with many good things, moderation is important.  I tend to spend time on facebook where I can interact with friends and family who live down the street, around the corner, or a few hundred miles away.  The term interact, however, has a bit of a false meaning for someone who craves interacting with actual humans.  If you know me well, I text and post and email and keep an active blog; I'm really good at using social media.  I recently noticed the term, "top commenter," by my name on facebook.  When I'm using social media, I use it in an active way, but it can be a very "one-way" type of communication.  I'm feeling lonely, and I think the time has come to look back at that time before social media was a part of our culture to see what was working well for me.

How is social media working for you?  Have you noticed the "down side" yet?  Perhaps it's a personal thing.  It's going to take some effort to engage in the old ways--picking up the telephone for example will be something I haven't done in a while.  I'll let you know how it's going.  In fact, you may be getting a call from me or even...a note in the mail.  Who knows what I'll come up with.

Top 5's

Top 5...Things I Did Well in 2012

1. Hiked a really, really, really big mountain (really big)
2. Took girls to some great places in Southern CA
3. Enjoyed family visits whether we visited them or they visited us
4. Ushered in both a double digit daughter and an official teenager
5. Advocated for and cheered on my girls in school and extra-curricular activities

Top 5...Things That Need My Attention

1. The office  (this will be fun to read at the end of 2013 and see how I did)
2. The garage  (this will be fun to read at the end of 2013 and see how I did)
3. Digging deep and using my determination
4. More date nights (we did well, but need to do better)
5. Healthy living (I can't believe how long it takes me to get started on stuff!)

If you follow the blog, you saw a lot of the first five as they unfolded throughout the year.  The second set of five are things I struggle with.  It's time to stop talking about it and start doing.  Enough said about that.

Family Top 5

1. Hiked a really, really, really big mountain (we all did it, we all get to claim it)
2. Heather ran track and wowed our socks off, and then earned a spot on a club volleyball team
3. Jenna remains our soccer star and successfully transitioned to a new school
4. Kelly inspired his scouts and continued to be a stellar leader for his Young Men
5. All participated in our church's big musical production in some way, and it was very successful

It is a family blog after all, and Kelly and the girls have had many great moments.  As for things they want to work on, it's kind of an individual thing.  Maybe we'll make some goals this next family night.

For last year's post click here on Top 5

Our Day-to-Day Time

The following is an excerpt from the talk I presented in church on 8/19/12 regarding looking up to the Lord more often.   It is possible that I have posted one of the quotes before because it is one that spoke volumes to me.  At any rate, using my time wisely is still a challenge for me, especially when unscheduled time is before me.  I thought it would be a valuable topic to leave in our family journal for future review.  I'm learning, slowly, but learning all the same.

         Failing to look up, to remember the Savior and to consistently turn to Him may not be a problem for everyone.  Because making this a consistent habit is an ongoing process for me, I’m constantly wondering what is wrong with me and why I struggle so much to create this habit.  For several years I have appreciated the words of Sherri Dew in her book, No Doubt About It.  As a young and busy mother I read the following passage and realized what kind of battle we are all fighting when it comes to spiritual maters.  She writes,

“The Holy Ghost blesses us with optimism and wisdom at times of challenge that we simply cannot muster on our own.  No wonder one of the adversary’s favorite tactics is busyness--getting us so preoccupied with the slurry of daily life that we fail to immerse ourselves in the gospel of Jesus Christ...The adversary will do anything to separate us from the Spirit.  Lucifer wants us to feel alone and isolated.  He wants us to try to live drawing solely upon our own genius and without the influence of the heavens, because he knows that we will never do as well or feel as well on our own as we do when we have the Spirit to guide us, strengthen us, protect us, and soothe us.  And if he can keep us off balance, never really realizing our potential or capacity, he can undermine our progression and the welfare of our families as well as the entire Church.”

We are wise to remember the adversary and his cunning.  Part of my issue may be my own stubbornness or bad habits, but he is constantly working against my good efforts.  As in any battle, we need to fortify and strengthen our defenses.  I believe that there are greater obstacles and distractions today than we have ever seen in our history.  In addition to the unavoidable busyness of our daily routines, we can also find ourselves getting caught up with distracting activities that drain us of valuable time.  In the same General Conference, Elder Ian S. Arden gave an address regarding the use of our time, admonishing us to devote our time to the things that matter most.  He says, 

“With the demands made of us, we must learn to prioritize our choices to match our goals or risk being exposed to the winds of procrastination and being blown from one time-wasting activity to another....We must devote our time to the things that matter most, and the things of God matter most.  As we engage and study each day from the scriptures, ponder on what we have read and felt, and then apply and live the lessons learned, we draw nearer to Him.”

Why I Love Teaching Senior Primary

Of course I always love teaching, so it's not really a surprise that I would write about it.  It's just that right now I am appreciating my job at church a little bit more than usual. That usually happens at some point during a calling.  Over the years I've taught in the Young Women program, in Relief Society and in Primary, but I have never had a Sunday School or Senior Primary assignment in all of my adult years in any ward.  The thing that I am appreciating that is different between this calling and the others I've had is that the curriculum for my Valiant 9 class comes straight from the scriptures, and my preparation each week requires me to read several chapters from the Book of Mormon.  I am immersed in my scriptures more than ever before, and appreciating and being reminded of the specific purpose and lessons from individual experiences recorded in the Book of Mormon.  I know a lot of people have had this experience (and my husband is probably laughing at me while reading this), but I wanted to write about it because I've been having some interesting issues with finding value in my assignment.

My class is darling--three or four students each week, all very quiet and thoughtful, and one of them is my daughter.  It is great to have her in there and be able to cover Gospel subjects with her.  But the kids are young, and I have struggled to find meaning in teaching the scriptures to this cute age when they don't always understand the text and appear to not be soaking anything in.  A few weeks ago, I finally had a lightbulb moment (or a DUH! moment) where I felt impressed to look at the Purpose at the beginning of each lesson.  The lesson tells me what to focus on.  I don't know why I didn't look at this before.  Knowing the objective really helped me to worry less that the kids wouldn't understand and focus more on the way that the stories in the scriptures could illustrate a Gospel principle that we need to learn.  Once I found the center and focus, I was able to make my lessons more effective.  Somehow I had lost sight of what I already knew -- good teachers know their objective from the outset are more effective and confident in their teaching when they have a clear objective.  I really do feel silly for not realizing part of my problem.  I kind of took for granted that I had been successful in all of my teaching assignments, and I over looked that I had some learning to do in this calling.

There is always a time during the week were I've run out of sufficient time, and I remember with a sigh that I need to prepare.  But each and every time I am grateful for all that I learn while I'm preparing.  I know I'm supposed to be in my scriptures every day.   I am so far from perfect at this, and I am very thankful to be having this experience.  I'm getting a taste of what it means to be studying my scriptures regularly (see, old dogs can learn new tricks), and although it's a little embarrassing to admit that I haven't been good at personal scripture study, I'm simply grateful today that our Father in Heaven provides ample time for us to learn and improve.  I tend to be one that takes a little more time to find the lightbulb, but I eventually find it.

Appreciating Work and Effort

Work, progress, teaching...these concepts have been on my mind a lot lately as I ponder where I am as a mother and teacher in my home.  After a great conversation with a friend yesterday where we discussed how to teach our kids to work, I read Shannon Hale's blog post about being hardcore (to me this means working hard over time to achieve something).  So much of what she shares is what I needed to hear and be reminded of.  I realize that I am the best example for my kids, and although that is probably a no-brainer to most, it doesn't come easily for me. They don't see me do a lot of long-term, hard work.  I am not consistent, yet I want great things.  I know in my head that working hard over time produces great results; I guess I'm a little lazy. I've got to start turning my knowledge into action.  Shannon tells her story  better than I can recap, so I've included the text here.  You can see it directly on her blog through this link Shannon Hale.

Are you hardcore?

In college I went on a study abroad to Mexico. My two American housemates found a local gym and bought a temporary membership because their boyfriends told them, "You'd better not come back fat." I didn't have a boyfriend, but I was bored, so I joined them. It was there that I first discovered running.


There was a small indoor track. I thought I'd try out a few laps, convinced I wasn't capable of anything more. But after a week, I realized I had more in me, so I went a few minutes more. And more. Suddenly I was running for forty-five minutes straight, amazed by the untested prowess of my body. I'd always been thin (scrawny) and fragile (lazy), so imagine my surprise when I flew around that track for an hour straight, glistening and crowing. I was a runner!


When I returned home to Salt Lake City, as soon as I'd unpacked (strewn my belongings) and had a good night's sleep, I hopped on a treadmill for an invigorating jog--as we runners will do. After five minutes I began to wheeze. After ten minutes I collapsed. Was I ill? Perhaps dying of consumption? I tried the jogging thing a few more times before I realized that while I flew at sea level, I flailed at 4200 feet. Did I push through it and get stronger? No, I quit. It turned out, I was a gravy runner. I was no where near hardcore.


I've discovered that I can be hardcore as a writer. I write when the words are flowing. I write when they're not. I write when the story delights me and I can't wait to see what happens next. I write when the story is murky and sticky and complicated. I write when I'm energized and feeling great. I write when I'm sick, pregnant, have newborns, am grumpy, sad, confused, angry, and so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm hardcore, baby.


I had the chance to visit Bolivia and Peru once. We went to a town on the shores of Lake Titicaca, elevation 12,500 ft. At that height, simply walking made us wheeze for oxygen. Our guide told us that their soccer team is unbeatable. Despite pulling players from a much smaller pool of talent, they trounce Lima regularly. They live and train in one of the world's harshest environments, while the sea level Lima players are gasping and stumbling halfway through the game. When the team from Titicaca goes down to play in oxygen-rich Lima, their players can run for hours and never break a sweat. Because they work hard when playing is hard work, they fly when it's not. They are formidable. They are hardcore.


I suppose such a metaphor could relate to most anything--microbiology, hot air ballooning, ballet--but I wouldn't know. I basically do two things in my life. I'm a writer and I'm a mother. And those are two things I'm pretty good at because I don't allow myself to quit. It's not possible to quit. Even when my lungs are burning and my legs ache and a stitch like a knife stabs into my ribs. I keep going because I have to. And I have faith that any moment now, this hill is going to straighten out, I'm going to get a second wind, those endorphins will kick in, and the view will be amazing.

Practice

I took this picture of Heather practicing yesterday for fun, and found myself thinking about practice. I have been blessed with the ability to do things well the first time around, things like school, a new sport or teaching a group of kids at church. This can, of course, be a dangerous thing especially since I didn't have lessons or extra curricular classes when I was young to teach the importance of practice. I have, however, had very meaningful lessons in practice, both good and bad. I'll share the best of both.

In college, I had to take a Biology class. Groan. I was not a science girl, but since I had to take one, I chose Genetic Biology. This seemed fitting because of my Child Development major, and I thought the knowledge might come in handy. It was still science, and because of the material not being repetitive (I really never mastered meiosis and mitosis in high school), I had to work a little harder for a good grade. In order to really get to know the material, I took my notes home each week and recopied them on to note cards. Then I used the notecards to study from. As each quiz and test were taken, I would be shocked at the A I would see on the paper. I was an A student, but never in science or math. When the semester came to a close, I purged my binder and book bag as usual, but I couldn't part with those note cards. That A meant more to me than all the other As I always received. I had finally had a lesson in working hard and earning the accomplishment through practice. I've never forgotten that lesson.

Another lesson I haven't forgotten is the one in which I didn't practice and fell flat on my face. I was to play my flute for a church meeting as I had done other times. I reviewed my music enough to not be sight reading, and I thought myself prepared. In the moments before I played, I was surprised at how calm I felt. I thought I had arrived at some point where nerves wouldn't bother me anymore. I was so calm that I missed some notes and ended up really messing up the flow of the number. I learned that with practice, things are more automatic, kind of like what they say about muscle memory. I also learned that nerves are something that keep you focused. I've pretty much welcomed the nerves ever since. I have also welcomed the blessings of preparing as my prayers are answered to have the music I play sound pleasing to the congregation. When we work hard, we are blessed.

We are in a place right now where our daughters need to learn about practice. Jenna wants to quit piano. I told her that we wouldn't quit until she had had several weeks of practice in a row. She had been discouraged at piano lessons, but had not connected that it was because she wasn't practicing. All of the sudden she is practicing (wanting to show me it won't change her mind), and the music is coming easier. She is having more fun and I haven't heard her talk about quitting for a while. She may still want to quit, but both girls are reaping the rewards of practicing. I hope these memories stay with them and that they learn that practice time is something to be welcomed, not dreaded. I'm really thankful for the lessons I've had, not that it will motivate my children at all. But at least I won't wonder if it's really necessary to encourage practice; I know it is, and that's what I'll practice while I preach it.

Apples and Inspiration

While washing some apples this morning and setting them to dry in the light of my kitchen window, I was inspired to photograph them. My brilliant sister would have made these look scrumptious. My photos turned out a little dark even though I think I had the settings correct. Although they were nice pictures, I nearly gave up on them until I enhanced them with a little bit of extra light. What a difference.

I'm reflecting a lot on extra light today. I'm nearly finished with Stephanie Nielson's story about surviving the horrific airplane crash she and her husband were in, and on my morning walk I listened to Elder Patrick Kearon's BYU Devotional from Valentine's Day. I think I've listened to it at least 4 times. I am craving a little extra light and realizing that I have been keeping the blinds closed. I'm not sure why the simple task of opening those blinds alludes me on a day-to-day basis. When the reminder comes to pray I often think that I'll do it in a minute, and then I forget. I can't afford to forget. Elder Kearon's talk can be heard HERE. The subject is non-denominational and is about communication with our Father in Heaven. If you have an iPhone or iPad, the BYU app is free and the devotional is on there to listen to.

Three Minutes

Heather had an "encounter" with her homeroom teacher yesterday that was not pleasant. In a nutshell, the lockers that are usually left open because they jam were being closed by the 6th graders who thought that locking the 7th graders out of the lockers would be funny. When Heather needed to recall her locker combo after having not used it for weeks and weeks, she couldn't. What followed was a lecture from the homeroom teacher about how every 7th grader should be able to memorize a three-didget locker combination and that it was highly unusual that she could not do this. Heather felt horrible, a friend helped her open her locker, and later that night she shed some tears.

Skipping the part where I send email to the teacher, teacher emails back (good grief why is this woman teaching if she doesn't like kids) and my reply back to her...Heather and I turned this encounter into a learning experience. We likened it as follows...

Heather interacts with this woman for approximately 3 minutes of the day which leaves approximately 6 hours of school. During all those other hours, Heather has fabulous teachers who have been kind, caring, understanding and complimentary. Her English teacher is helping her learn to write; her science teacher has ADHD kids of his own and lets his class get up and stretch now and then because he has compassion; her math teacher is kind and patient, and her social studies teacher sings songs like Proud Mary during class to energize the kids. Heather had let that 3-minute interaction with her homeroom teacher occupy and control her thoughts later that night when she could have changed her focus and concentrated on the rest of the hours and hours of positive interaction she has during the day.

I explained to her that throughout her whole life, she will be complimented, admired, flattered, loved, and adored, but there will be some random negative experience that will plague her and cause her to doubt herself. She will have to fight to see the truth and ignore the discouraging thoughts. She will have the choice to dwell on that 3-minute interaction, or turn and focus on the other 6 hours. I told her that many adults still struggle with negative experiences they had at one time, and that they choose to ignore all of the marvelous things about themselves in favor of believing the negative. It is so sad, and it sucks the happy right out of us. I told her that this was such a great experience to have and learn from now so that she can grow up focusing on the positive.

How about you? Do you dwell on that 3 minutes? I catch myself doing it all the time. They weren't kidding when they said your kids will teach you as much as you teach them. I'm a believer. Using this experience to help teach my daughter helped me reflect on how important it is to turn my focus away from the negative messages and look toward the positive ones.

And just in case you're wondering, Miss Teacher got a piece of this mama's mind (with Heather's permission, of course).

Control

My heart is very sad today for the little nine-year-old girl who died from severe dehydration in Alabama after running for three hours. She was running because she lied about eating some candy bars, and her grandmother and stepmother decided that would be her punishment. There was a movie I watched years ago called Parenthood, and I remember only one part of the movie. It was the scene where one of the teenagers is frustrated and makes the comment that you have to have a driver's license to drive, a license to practice medicine and all kinds of other licenses, but no one has to have a license to be a parent. In cases like these, a license with some good training would have been beneficial. Poor, sweet girl.

The idea of control has been on my mind a lot lately. There are so many of us who think we are in control of our lives and we often exercise control over spouses, children, other family members etc., in a misguided attempt to be at the steering wheel. The big news flash is...we are not at the helm. We have our free agency to choose in this life, but there is no way we can control everything. The sooner we learn this, the more peaceful we can be. I like to know what to expect just as much as the next person, and I would much prefer that my children obey me when I give them a direction. But just as we are given our free agency, so are those around us. Control is Satan's plan, and it's neighbors, coercion and manipulation, are also a part of his plans. Exercising control over another's agency ruins relationships and teaches nothing.

How does this translate? For me, parenting is where Heavenly Father's plan has helped me the most. I want my children to obey, but I understand that making them obey is not the same as setting up healthy consequences for disobedience. Yes, I get stressed. I raise my voice and sometimes I want to smack a child (although I don't), but when I look at the reasons why I yell or feel that I want to smack someone, it's always about my own issues with control. Things are usually not happening in the time frame I want them to, if at all, or I am upset about something completely unrelated, and it feels natural to yell to get some awareness generated. My youngest can push back so much that it feels natural to smack her to get her to pay attention to who is in charge. But that's just it. What kind of leader do I want to be? Dictatorship is really not for me, but it is seriously the easiest. So was Satan's plan; force everyone to choose the right and return to God. There is no growth when we're forced, in fact, our spirits rebel against this type of leadership. I would rather be the leader who loves and teaches. That kind of leadership takes thought and patience, but it's what I strive for.

You don't have to be a parent to have control issues, but whether you are or not, the topic needs to be examined by each of us. We are not in complete control here on earth; circumstances happen that we can't control, and trying to consistently jockey for the controlling position will simply leave you exhausted and discouraged. I'm having more success in looking around and finding out what I need to be learning from the situations that frustrate or disable me. Fortunately, I have a loving Father in Heaven who has set up a healthy framework for me complete with both positive and negative consequences, absolute control over the choices I make, and time to make mistakes and grow from them. I am blooming under this kind of leadership, and I want the same for my children, spouse, family members, friends, students, acquaintances, etc.

Unfortunately, the opportunity for self-reflection is not afforded everyone usually due to ignorance, and the parents I mentioned here probably have little idea of healthy boundaries. That makes me so sad, and I know choices that harm Heavenly Father's children must make Him grieve terribly. I marvel at His control. If He can have the kind of restraint it takes to watch His children hurt each other and make extremely poor choices at an extreme level and not force better out of them, I think I can examine my issues with control and try to do just a little bit better with my circle of influence. This has been kind of a depressing post, but this is one of those big things that I'm learning about which merits some journaling for posterity.

Think. Take a deep breath. Remember what is important.

Success = ABC

Our family had a great discussion based on the article in our church magazine titled, Living The Abundant Life (click on title for link). The essence of the article is using an ABC reminder to help us attain "a life filled with an abundance of success, goodness and blessings." My oldest was giving a presentation at her Young Women's meeting about setting and achieving goals in education, both school and music, last night, and we talked about how these ABC's apply to anything we are working on. The following are my thoughts after reading the article and discussing it with my family.

A = Attitude

This needs very little general explanation. For Heather, because she "hates school", she is only able to have a good attitude by focusing on the friends she goes to school with and a few of her fun teachers rather than focusing on the fact that school is pretty difficult for her and something she feels forced to do. If she has to go to school, she might as well enjoy her friends and the good fortune to get some great teachers now and then. Her personality allows her to be receptive to "looking on the bright side." Jenna is getting there.

B = Believe

In yourself, your goals and in being able to seek and find help whether secular or divine. Most of us are fortunate enough to have a great support system--family, friends, colleagues, etc.--and we can also pray for strength and help when needed. Heather knows from our reminders, and I often have to remind myself, not to listen to the voices that would tell us we are less than beautiful, intelligent, talented and worthy. We have to believe that and move forward.

C = Courage

We agreed that most goals that are worthwhile are hard. In fact, I'm still working on some that have seemed impossible. It takes courage to keep trying. If we don't have the courage to try, we might as well sit around and do nothing. My sweet girls each have their own issues with school right now, and we have a tenor of anxiety with school pretty much all the time. Sometimes there are tears, and sometimes I can read the stress through less visible manifestations. It breaks my heart because school can't be a walk in the park for them, but I am encouraged to use language that reminds my girls how strong they are as they work to overcome their challenges.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

~ Winston Churchill

We are loving the ABC reminder, and it pops into my head now with ease. It's good to remember what we're doing here as we navigate the day-to-day storms. Hope this is helpful to you too.

Look Up

"Look Up" is the title of an article in the January issue of our church magazine, and I love it. The author discusses the difference between looking up to see how Heavenly Father sees us and looking sideways to see how others see us. I am so guilty of comparing even though I know it's a lethal pastime. Constant comparison causes such damage to our self-worth, and I totally know better. I guess it's one of the tendencies of the natural man that we need to work to overcome. I'm going to try this reminder on for size as I worry about what I'm not getting accomplished. Stopping to remind myself to look up could be just the ticket to steering myself back in the right direction. It will keep me from looking around and keep me focused on my own personal and spiritual progression.

Blogging is one area where I've recently read and heard many bloggers are discouraged. The focus on what one's blog should be when surrounded by the other beautiful, well-maintained blogs can be crazy making. It's a great example of the discouragement that happens when we look outward to define who we are or where we should be at a certain place in time. We need to know who we are and what we want to accomplish and move forward. Your blog is your own, and it should be what you want it to be. Our progression is also our own, and it should be compared to no one else's. That sounds easy, but it isn't; it takes constant nourishment to reassure and move forward. The blog example may seem silly, but I find it interesting that although I have a clearly defined purpose for my blog (family/personal journaling and publishing to book form), I have swooned at the other blogs with fantastically beautiful pictures, stunning home decor, highly talented authors and creators sharing pearls of wisdom on a range of topics, and much more. I have been guilty of peeking over sideways. We all do it. Homes, cars, furniture, talents, jobs, children, clothes, etc. Whatever or whomever it is you choose to compare to, stop it.

Stop looking around and start looking up.

Choosing Colors for Family Pictures

While reading a blogger's tutorial on dressing for holiday card photographs, I realized that although I'm not a "professional," I could offer some tips to take the stress out of getting ready for family photos. Although I'm not an expert, I have experienced emotions from completely stressed out to completely survivable, so I may be able to offer some useable advice. Here are my rules to live by:

1. Don't stress - Use what you have

You don't have to buy all new clothes for the family. Most of us have neutral colors, and if your kids are young, you've probably purchased in a color palate without thinking about it because of your personal taste.

2. Blend - Use colors and fabrics that compliment

Again, it's not necessary to match. I usually do a basic bottom of bare feet or neutral shoe color, then jeans for everyone. Khakis work well also. Keeping the bottom half of us more uniform keeps the eye away from this least important part of the picture. The color palate on the top can be a mix of a color like blue, for example, with neutral beige/tan/white mixed in. Or you can do everyone in the same color, but not the same shirt with the texture and style of each shirt adding the interest. Try to keep the fabrics complimentary also. If everyone is in a light cotton and one person is in a sweater, it looks funny. So balance those different fabrics like you would the pops of color putting at least two of four or three of five in the same weight of fabric.

3. No bold colors or prints that clash

The eye is drawn to whatever pops, and your clothes are not the focus of the picture. If you are going to use colors, make sure they compliment the photo. If one person wears a bright color, another person should have it to balance the photo. Too much bold color or mixing prints makes the photo visually busy and detracts from the subjects.

4. Fancy hair isn't necessary

We've done blow-dryed hair, flat ironed, pony tails, you name it. It's stressful to worry about hair! As long as it's brushed and neat, I'm happy. The girls are happier too.

Here is our gallery of the last few years. The first two are poorer wardrobe choices, the first having too many colors going on, and the second having only one family member in a pop of color.

In the rest of these photos, I tried to think neutral and complimentary. You'll see that not all the photos are professional, nor are all of the outfits perfect. But there is something that works in each one and that is that we tried to keep the focus on us and not our clothes. Most of the time it works.

Preparation and Mastery

Melissa, April 2009

Photo by Jenna

It has been difficult of late to find time to blog. We are each currently immersed in various pursuits requiring practice and dedication all of which take gobs of time. It was recently pointed out to me by a master-level musician that there is no one of us who is going to be able to achieve master level status at anything in our lives with only an hour a week of practice. Although this appears to be common sense, I am guilty of desiring master level status and only putting in the hour a week. I am getting good experience right now putting in some hard work to achieve the results required, and I'm grateful for this latest lightbulb moment. It came at a time when I am working on some difficult music, both choral and instrumental, and at a time when I really need to show my girls, by example, what it takes to master something.

After the next few weeks pass and some of the challenging music is 'mastered', I intend to apply this to other areas of my life. Home management, organization, scripture study, healthy living...these are all areas where I need to apply more dedication and practice. It is a tiny bit embarrassing that I don't have this concept of preparation and dedication down, but again, I am in a place of gratitude that the Lord has allowed me time to learn. There is still hope for me!

Spirituality and An Innocent Nature

This morning on Marta Writes, Marta posted about a leaf gathering trip with her little boy. She says,

"we worked together collecting leaves the other afternoon. benji works energetically at whatever task is at hand. i now see what is meant when the scriptures urge us to become like a little child; full hearted and fully present. complete and true. loving and wholly trusting. forgiving and forgetting. cheerful and ever optimistic. good to the core. i am striving to become more childlike. having one as my sidekick helps me see life's important details more clearly."

I didn't get far beyond that paragraph because I started to contemplate and see something very clearly in my brain...It is so wonderful to watch young children because they are exactly as she describes. It's so wonderful to have them so willing a trusting and loving. I LOVE the early to middle childhood stages of development.

And then they grow in to teenagers.

Oh my land. Have you been around teenagers? Tried to work with them? Raise them? Do ya remember being one like it was yesterday? How many of us look back and remember our know-it-all status?

It occurs to me that as adults, we spiritually possess either the willing nature of a child or the reluctant attitude of a teenager. Our learning is enhanced when we are open, trusting and full of love for the Savior. We all have experience with this. We all most likely have those profound moments because we have also been in that teenage place -- I can do it myself. I already know that. I want to do it my way. I don't have to follow those rules. I'll get around to it. Stubborn, independent, rebellious, procrastinating, prideful. I think being a mature adult has a lot to do with recognizing the humility needed for us to learn and progress, and allowing that humility to be present.

I love these 'lightbulb moments' in my life that inspire me do just a little bit better.