The changing seasons are not reflected in California like they are in other parts of the country with the effusive color changes in the leaves or powdered sugar snow drifts that accumulate after a storm. Our air is crisp and cool, and the light shines differently from late fall to early spring, and then the warm, breezy days return.
Our personal seasons change a lot more frequently and often without visible signs. Just as we prepare and adapt for a change in a season of weather, it is prudent to prepare for or adapt to a change in a season of life. I do pretty well with a seasonal marker like a baby milestone or school starting, but subtle changes catch me off guard.
Our family has no milestone birthdays or major events occurring right now, however, my girls have started to need us more. That's not much different than it always has been except that now, they
notice when we are unavailable, and I have become concerned as to what that translates into for them. We have always been present for our girls meeting their needs and loving them to pieces, but now they notice if we put something else first. They want, or rather
need to be first and
know that they are first in our lives. This doesn't mean we do nothing for ourselves, but it does mean that there needs to be a lot of balance going on and careful orchestration. I'm not sure what causes this need, however, I believe it has something to do with the peculiar season we/they are in their lives--middle school.
What a perilous time sixth through eighth grade is! It doesn't stop there because grades nine-twelve aren't much better, but middle school is the beginning. It's the transformation period from childhood to young adulthood. There are physical and emotional changes, and if a child ever needed to know that her parents were
there for her and ready to be the soft place to fall, it's in middle school. I am beginning to see that both parents and home are needed anchors in this storm. Satan is ever present in the lives of these children who are navigating the multiple changes in their minds and bodies, and he is ready to devour. Have you noticed that experimentation with many things begins at this age--dating, make up, clothing, parties, and even sex. I know. The worst part is that he will get some of these kids before they are able to move past the middle school developmental storm and know what they want to do in their lives. Temptation will be rampant, and mistakes will be made.
It's no coincidence that parents start to 'check out' a little bit at this time (that is a general statement based on observation of parents I don't know well). The school pushes the parents away, and they begin to stay away. The school encourages the kids to be independent in their school dealings, and a parent is viewed as 'over-bearing' if they become involved. It also becomes 'uncool' on a student level for the students to have a parent involved, and the feistier kids even do their own pushing away. I've felt the feisty from one of my own, and I can see where it would be easier to wash one's hands and do what the world tells us to do which is leave them alone. I am fortunate to have many good friends who have not abandoned their kids, and we are all navigating together.
Why am I writing all of this and thinking about it? Because I have been impressed to start to shed some of the extra things in my own life to be more available to my kids. I have the feeling that casual availability isn't going to cut it anymore. Jenna will enter middle school in the fall, and Heather will enter high school. I need to have ducks in rows including enough sleep. Seminary, rigorous academic schedules, sports teams and continued development are on the horizon. I am presently thankful to feel the seasonal change and to be able to prepare for it. Parenthood has proven more than having babies, changing diapers and making lunches. It's protecting, teaching, learning, loving and guiding, moving forward when you don't think you can, and drawing strength from a higher power when you know you can't and realize you need help. It is the best job I will ever have, and I want to be an outstanding participant.
Time to make sure my seasonal tools are dusted off and ready. If you have any suggestions for how you manage these seasonal changes in life, be sure to leave a comment or send an email. I'd love to hear from you.
