This is me, or it should be. It may be the only way I will stay sane in the morning with my youngest little cutie. She would be the one throwing the darts, and let me tell you, they come fast and furious. It would appear that armor and a shield may be the only way I will emotionally survive her.You would think I'm talking about a teenager, right? She's eight. This has been going on for years, but as she gets older, I'm finding it harder and harder to take. When she was two, I knew she was working out emotions that she didn't have words for. Now, she has words and one would think she knows what she's doing. She doesn't direct the words toward me. She just has hissy fits about the color of the sky, the size of her shoes, or I don't know...the way the toilet paper is hung. The Child Development Major in me says she's still learning how to process when she feels yucky about whatever, and I'm a safe person to process with. Some days the armor is on and the shield up, but other days she gets me when the shield is down, and it bugs.
There are mornings that I'm close to tears because I fear that I'm not teaching her how to be a kind person. I'm doing so much to allow her space to grow in some fertile soil, but when will I know if the soil has been just the right mixture?
Tonight, during her personal prayers, this same girl who causes me so much anxiety in the mornings gave the shocker of a prayer. In her prayer she thanked Heavenly Father for her daddy who works hard to get money for us, for her mom who gives her the things she needs to be safe, and for the love of her sister. I almost cried. We could tell that she meant it.
I guess I'll keep putting on the armor. Whatever I'm doing may just be working, but I will have to protect my heart while she muddles through and figures out who she is. Wish me luck!
5 comments:
I've got a child like that. I need to adopt your attitude!
You can do it. Just remember her little spirit that was given to you to help her endure life. You are doing a great job. You have lots of patience. You have to put your battle gear on everyday to protect your kids and yourself.
I was that child!! I used to leave the house (in the 4th grade) crying and screaming "I hate you, I hate you" to my mom and she would call back "You're a dreadful child!". I of course never heard my mom say this, she told me years later. Now I realize that was her way of coping with a child no one should have to cope with. Somehow we made it through and became the best of friends. I was not and am still have a hard time with MORNINGS. Now after all these years look at what a lovely person I have become :) lol. Keep the armour handy!
I have to admit, most of the time my kids are pretty darn awesome. Probably because if they did that to me they would be scrubbing a toilet, going hungry or cursing the day they were born. Hmmm, maybe that is why they are pretty awesome...LOL!
Hang in there. Parenting is really hard without Vodka. Just kidding. Keep praying. Let her be who she chooses to be. You really are an amazing Mom...There is hope. I hope!
You're a great mom. Every child has their own struggles. Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he sent you her. You are the best mom for the job.Love ya!
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